How to Set Goals Without Having an Existential Crisis (1/3)

How to Come Up With Meaningful Goals That Actually Excite You

A woman without goals will lose her essence in the world.

And since no one is allowed to lose their zest for life on my watch, I’ve opted to write a three-week series on how to set goals without having an existential crisis along the way. How I see it, goals are our fiercest protector against turning into a version of ourselves we don’t recognize. Especially for women whose secret power is her radiance and being her full magnetic self.

But goals? They’re a stressful topic. It’s intimidating to sit in front of someone who has a save-the-starving-children goal when your only goal is to remember to floss before bed. Which is why I’m on a mission to swat away the myth that “some people” are good at goals…

Part 1: How to Come Up With Meaningful Goals That Actually Excite You

Younger me thought there was a universal standard for setting goals.

Current day me knows that the art of setting goals is like the art of picking an outfit. There’s a little bit of homework that goes into understanding colour theory and fabric quality, but beyond that it’s learning what suits your body and style (and resisting the influence of mainstream trends).

The same applies to goals. Yes, there’s a little bit of theory—which we can easily cover today—but the rest is finding what jazzes you up (not what you think is supposed to jazz you up).

There’s two reasons for this:

First, we’re not setting goals for widget production at a factory. We’re setting goals for life, and life is art.

Second, we’re the first generation to live in a world where unlimited opportunities are available to us. We don’t have to choose between three goals in an elimination process of which option is less draining on our souls. We can set goals that quite frankly make zero sense in this moment.

No pressure or anything…!

When I’m sitting in front of my laptop with a launch spreadsheet, I’m in my masculine. I’m looking at numbers and profits and getting shit done. But when I’m sitting in front of a blank piece of paper, I’m in my feminine. I’m an artist who is setting state-oriented goals, not results-oriented goals. 


Because life is not lived in the results. Life is lived in the moments between—the energetic states we find ourselves the remainder of the time. And would you rather be radiating your full zesty self 1% of the time or 100% of the time?

My favourite goal setting sessions are with my cousin who I just so happen to be staying in Amsterdam with. Since the start of our careers, we’ve booked semi-annual trips to see each other and dream big visions for ourselves (and of course, to stay at fabulous hotels and eat fabulous food and swim in fabulous pools).

We’ve set many goals over the years… that she would move from London to Amsterdam, that I would work remotely, that she would climb towards C-suite, that I would build my own business…

These goals were set while sipping champagne by the pool in Italy, or lounging on a boat in Croatia, or sweating our faces off in Thailand.

To set goals that excite you, you have to be excited to set those goals.

The goal setting formula for us seems to be: surrounding ourselves with beauty, connecting to nature, unplugging from our daily responsibilities and stresses, feeling empowered in luxurious spaces, and feeling free to say whatever crazy idea comes to our brain.

Maybe that’s the secret? A safe space to dream—where your nervous system is calm and your intuition can whisper louder than your ego.

Do you have a safe space to dream?

It doesn’t take a luxury villa in Italy to create a safe space (although, why not?!). It takes having someone in your life who basks in your dreams with you. When I’m coaching my clients, we develop their dream Future Self so I can help them take action from that version of themselves, not their current overwhelmed self.

Find someone who believes in your Future Self as much as you do (and at times, even more than you do).

While it’s intimidating to be around other big thinkers and goal setters—we think we need to present a world-class goal to fit in with them—the truth is, goal setters are always setting goals. Sometimes we’re in a season of setting small goals (like flossing daily) and sometimes we’re in a season of setting big goals (like our career empire)—but the goal itself never defines us because having an impressive goal means nothing.

Having a goal that empowers you is impressive.

Do you know what it feels like to be empowered by your goals? Or do you feel like shit anytime you set them?

If you’re open to dreaming up empowering life goals, here’s your homework for the week:

Who is your Future Self?

Does she travel quarterly to masterminds with other like-minded women? Does she stay in her feminine with her partner and let go of her controlling tendencies? Does she attend an art exhibit every month? Does she pick up fresh flowers every Saturday morning?

What else?

Does she have a coaching business that allows her to help women become the main characters of their careers? Does she have the financial abundance to travel first class internationally? Does she organize an annual Christmas Eve celebration with family and friends? (Totally channelling Kris Jenner on that one…)

What else?

Does she live in a beautiful home? Does she have a garden with fresh vegetables? Does she turn head when she walks down the street? Does she exude elegance? Does she drink minimally (two glasses of rosé per week)? Does she nurture her friendships and send handwritten birthday cards on birthdays?

You’ve just met my Future Self.

I would love to meet yours! No really, share yours below.

Up next is…

Part 2: How to be Consistent (Without Being Consistent)

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  1. […] In case you missed the first article of my three-week series on how to set goals without having an existential crisis along the way… Part 1: How to Come Up With Meaningful Goals That Actually Excite You […]

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