Mindset

“What If I Lose My Ambition?!” and Other Thoughts That Haunt My Brain

For the longest time I had this irrational fear that I might lose my ambition one day. (As if it could just fall out of my pocket one day?!)

Have you had this fear too? That if you slow down *poof* your desires and goals will vanish?

I sometimes wonder if this is where the go-go-go mentality comes from. It’s like we’re stage five clingers and ambition is the love interest we’re afraid will leave us if we’re not with them 24/7.

At the start of this year, when travel shut down and offices closed, I will admit — I had a seed of worry that I might become unmotivated. That not being in the hustle and bustle of the downtown energy would dull my drive. Perhaps I didn’t trust my ambition yet, unsure if our bond was real or only circumstantial.

But 2020 turned out to be a blessing in this way. It showed me that even when I’m not at a busy office or a buzzing coffee shop, my ambition is still with me. On the sluggish days, the sleep-in days, and the unmotivated days, I can trust myself to pick back up where I left off.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Either a perfect morning routine or the day is ruined.

I’ve been working on this kind of trust all year and now, in December, I’m gleefully reflecting back on how far I’ve come. My ambition is one of the strongest friendships I’ve built over my lifetime. She is my best friend. The one that sometimes annoys me with her latest existential crisis or desire to burn everything to the ground, but she is also the one I can always trust to show up for me when I need her.

And the best way I can honour her is to spend the last few weeks of 2020 strengthening our bond, not whipping her into action.

I’ve been going down the rabbit hole on Human Design lately. Along with the Enneagram, they are my favourite personality tests as they go deep into your motivations and desires.

A fun little activity for the holidays, perhaps?!

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